2011 State of the Union

In less than 12 hours, 2011 will be a year of the past. In some ways, it's been a long year; in others, I can't believe how quickly it's gone by. Almost at this time one year ago, I lived with someone else. On this day last year, I bought champagne flutes and champagne, and prepared myself for an evening in. I was struggling so badly then, I wanted to really let everything go.

As the minutes ticked to midnight, to the beginning of 2011, I asked - prayed - for few things. Forgiveness, peace, strength, the courage to move on. Most importantly I asked for 2011 to be a happy year. I wanted to be able to let go of the bad and only embrace the good.

And in a lot of ways, 2011 was a good year. I took ahold of my job and made changes good for me. I'm now living on my own and have done some serious weeding of my life for the better. I tried new things, found new passions & gained new friends. But as I look back, I also see that I was still many times stuck in my controlling ways. I spent more time than I should have focused on the wrong things - people who didn't mean anything to me, feelings that were unnecessary, what everyone around me thought. I spent more time than I should have caught up in something, and as the year closes, I can look back and say that while I was overall happy with 2011, I could have been more if I had just. let. go.

I'm assuming that no one just *has* peace in their heart (if you do, let me know how to be the same way). It is such a struggle for me to slow down and listen to silence. To understand that there could be a better way and that - gasp - I don't know it all. Those kinds of feelings make me feel vulnerable and like a small child, and I spend most of my life trying to avoid that. Vulnerability leads to anxiety, and we've well established my feelings about anxiety. But I feel like I'm at a point where slowing down has become unavoidable. In a world where life seems to move at dizzying speeds, where it is so easy to be caught up in the rush of friends & jobs & school & stuff, I am willing myself to slow down. To give some of the control to something else & to spend more time listening to the silence.

With that being said, the 2012 State of the Union is simple.

1. Let go & let a higher power.
2. Make decisions for me, without second guessing. I need to realize that being selfish sometimes is perfectly acceptable.
3. Pay off personal debt and establish a plan to live comfortably within my means.

Honestly, I thought this list would be a touch longer, but there's so much wrapped up in number one, that nothing else needs to be said. When I can let go, truly let go, all the tangible happiness that my brain seeks to see written on this paper will find me. And at that point, having it all written and documented won't mean anything because I'll actually have it & that my friends? Will be awesome.

I wish everyone out tonight a safe & wonderful NYE and here's the start of a fabulous 2012.