Melodramatic, Much?

Okay, so. The last post? A bit melodramatic. Sorry about that. In my own defense, though, I was down.And there's validity in what I said, but alas. I could have been a teenybit not so oh-em-gee-this-is-the-end-of-the-world about it.

So honestly, my stomach is in knots today and I don't know what to do. I feel such like the "cool friend that happens to come with a few perks" and that makes me sad and confused. I'm not the type to ever want to be under a man 24/7, but I happen to like this one and would at least like to hang out with him more than 1 night a week. I know I should see this as good - if he wanted to hang out all the time I'd be running for the hills - but it's really, really hard. And because of that, I'm not sure how I should be anymore. When I see him today, I'll likely want to be hold back & be a bit reserved, when all I REALLY want to do is spend a solid 10 minutes in a hug & kiss.

Last night he said something to the effect of "you've shown me a lot of love lately, what's up with that?".

::heartledge::

I answered something along the lines of I care about him & just wanted to hang out. BIG understatement. But what to do? I can't won't force him to hang out. I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to put myself out there in that way.

Logically, I KNOW he's just busy. I KNOW he likes me. I KNOW that these worries are unfounded.

But emotionally? Oh, emotionally. I feel like crying.

Here's hoping for reassurance before class today. I'll post the update later.

Weepy. (alternately titled, the one in which I can't decide if I'm understanding or foolish)

Oh blog. Thank you for hanging in there with me. When I first started this blog in December, I figured it wouldn't last all that long. Now that we are 3.5 months in, I can't believe it.

But alas. This isn't what this post is about. *ahem*


My man? Is awesome. Rocks my socks off. Can make me smile with my heart.

But he works so much, and I'm starting to feel so uncomfortable. With the fact that he works S!I!X! nights a week and that he's so comfortable with it. With the fact that the trivial hoes are a part of the scene. More and more I feel like he's getting back to his comfort space, the one where relationships don't matter and are just a means to an end. And more and more I just want to tell him how I love him so, and spend time with him and just be.

Theres something in here that makes me extraordinarily weepy. I miss him. I want him.

I don't want to just hear him as a voice through the radio. Although??

I'll take what I can get right now.

I SERIOUSLY hope this isn't in vain.

Post edit: I've missed a couple of things, but it's late and Im already sad enough. Hopefully Ill come around tomorrow am.

On the record.

I...

Love...

My man.

Oh. Em. Gee.