Silly of Me (Alternately titled "Lots of Epiphanies")

How silly of me to think that relationships start in maturity instead of growing and evolving over time.

How silly of me to think that love was going to smack me in the face instead of peeking at me from across the room and inching its way closer and closer.

How silly of me to be so caught up in what I think I should want that I don't see what I've asked for right in front of me.

How silly of me to compare myself to those around me when those around me could care less.

How silly of me to let others' standards for themselves dictate my standards for me instead of forging my own path.

How silly of me to be malcontent in what I don't have, instead of being grateful for what I do.

How silly of me to focus on the trivial when the nonnegotiable is waving its hands in front of me.

How silly of me to doubt God's plan when he's just sitting back waiting on me to get the message.

How silly of me not to be every. single. thing. I am and embrace because those things have made me the woman I am today.

How silly of me to think I know it all when it's so obvious I have no idea.

Lots of epiphanies tonight. Thanks, God. This is SO good.

Sitting back, smiling, and having a glass of wine to savor. Because this? Is just THAT good.

Why read the timesuck when I can actually DO the timesuck?

Since I'm OBVIOUSLY not working today, I stole this from another blogger I read and figured I'd take some time to do it too. Enjoy.

1. What year was the best year of your life? Hmmmm...2007 lead me to my sorority sisters, and I graduated college, so I'll go with that one.
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? One? ::snort:: Anything with more than two legs and/or doesn't have opposible(sp?) thumbs.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? If I remember
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? Nope...I open them on pay day, to see how much they are and enter them into my spreadsheet.
5. How many pillows are on your bed? 10. I LOVE pillows. Funny part is, I only sleep on 1 and a possible.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Bluebell's Homemade Vanilla. Holy taste buds, batman.
7. What is the most dominate color in your wardrobe? Black
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? Nope, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still BREATHING.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival. Though they always look so rickety and suspicious looking.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner
11. Your favorite fictional animal? Uhhhh...I don't think I have one. I love pandas, but I can't think of a fictional panda I like (Kung Fu Panda is on my hit list). Scratch that - definitely Abu from Aladdin.
12. Have you ever flown first-class? Yep. Wish I could do it all the time.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Probably not...because someone I think I'd make for really great (read: permanently embarrassing) TV.
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? About the future? 50/50 split but I tend to try to just stay in the present or immediate future.
15. Pancakes or waffles? Waffles. Belgian, preferably.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? Eek! I'm split between by a beautiful ocean or in Italy.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Chicken noodle (let the boring jokes go now lol)
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? The Aquarium because it's allegedly the biggest in the world (or at least the immediate area); Centennial Park; and some of our bars (::shrugs::)
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? I should be able to but all I can think of are chains. Sorry.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? PANDAS!
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta? Pasta. All day.
22. What is the best movie that you’ve seen this year? I saw Abduction on PPV and I was pleasantly surprised! I somehow figured Taylor Lautner didn't have any acting skills outside of Twilight.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Babysitter Club series. I think I had every single one of them.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? Fortune (not in the literal sense) - I'm healthy, happy, have a great job, amazing family & friends, and am generally doing well. Not something to take lightly if you sit back and think about it.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Nope... I actually think that's weird.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? Hmmmm....probably my electronic wine opener.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Either...I like snacks.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? A little early usually.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? I don't think I'm very daring - probably vacation alone.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? Yep, some local (but definitely celebrity) music acts from my city.
31. What was one of your favorite movies as a child? Aladdin! What a great movie. I own it now.
32. At what age have you looked your best? Physically? Probably 22. It's been downhill since then. *soft sigh*
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? The cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway? And people in my office, for various reasons.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? Eeek, I think an Immature CD. Circa 1991. LOL
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? Ideally, I would have liked my dad to stick around. But that's a two-sided sword because he's crazy so I'm not sure how it would have been growing up w/ him in the house. Ooooh! Having a sibling. Definitely the thing I would change.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Shrimp pasta.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? AJC.com, AOL.com & CNN.com
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? Probably 15, including family & close friends.
39. Who recieved your first kiss? My first boyfriend, Bruce. Fifth grade, in front of the class (his idea, not mine). Awesome.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? Patience. I think if we can get that, everything else will follow.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Communication/honesty
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? If yes, have you already met? I'm not sure how I feel about soulmates...I don't think I believe in them. Is there someone out there I'll spend the rest of my life with? Absolutely. Have I met them already...too soon to tell. :)
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? In weird ways, yep. But once one thing goes, I'm a total slob and everything else goes too. I'm back on the upswing now.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? I'd say probably 20. I have a mirror right above the computer as I type.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Yep....but it's been at least 15 years.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? Trust.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? Bugs, with any aerosol or spray around.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? That might have been my teacher or meterologist phase (I should have stuck with meterologist, who else can lie every.single.day on the job and not get fired?!)
49. Do you believe in a afterlife? In some degree, yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Love, marriage, babies, happiness.

Checking In.

Eek! It's been 11 days since I wrote an entry! Too busy living, I guess.

Anyhoo, here are the last week's highlights, in bullets as I get ready to head to class:

• I went on two dates two weekends ago. They were both great & the guys I went out with are great guys. They are SO. FREAKIN. DIFFERENT. though! It's like dating the sun and the moon. I like them both for different reasons; unfortunately the one I want to like more is reminding me of how annoying he can be. I don't understand this new phenomenon of men just wanting to talk to you via text, maybe phone call but visit? Ha! It's strange! What's wrong with getting together over dinner or a game of pool? *scratches head* Of course, since the one I want to do that, isn't, the other one totally is. I hate to say this but the one thing I really feel like I can't get over? His height. He *might* be 5'9". Might. I'm 5'8" and I've done short before. I know it's fickle but jeez...it's so hard to overlook (or maybe it's not ::snort::). Anyhoo, I'll write more about them later because there's more to say.
• I'm headed to Vegas in 3 weeks...whoo! So excited! Today I'm starting what will hopefully be a "be-good-until-it's-time-to-go-to-Vegas" diet...I probably won't restrict alcohol (LOL), but will try to be good in all other areas. Wish me luck!

I really don't think I have anything else to say right now...I know it's because I'm about to leave for class in 10 minutes & my email just signed me out against my will, so maybe I'll try to either update or add to this entry later. 

But not tonight, because my laundry is scattered out in the living room, my kitchen is a mess and seriously, my hair needs a generous helping of TLC.

So maybe tomorrow.

Ciao!

Life lessons, somewhere.

I'm doing a favor for someone I love, even though they were really mean about someone else I love.

I'm deciding that this must make me a good person. Even though I don't feel like it.

I kinda regret asking. But oh well. I'm going to ask my higher power for insight and peace of heart.I don't want someone I love to fail even though I'm not sure what would happen if the tables were flipped.

Silence.

I'm honestly not really sure what all to say right now.

The girl who made up my childhood neighborhood threesome - the only friends I ever had in my same neighborhood - died unexpectedly today from complications from diabetes. She was 24 years old.

We used to play together all the time. I remember the first day I met her, walking into her backyard from next door because she had a swingset (!). I was about 9 or 10 at the time; she was about 6 or 7. The other 1/3 of us was around my age, so we always used to make sure she knew she was the baby. We weren't every really good friends, but I certainly remember enough good times. I wasn't friends with her after about age 13 or so. But our mutual best friend (they even went to college together) kept in touch with her, so I usually got to keep up with her doings. We weren't very similar, but she definitely made a small, but indelible imprint on my life. It's crazy to look at the impact that a 24 year old has made on the world and she isn't here anymore. The world shouldn't be viewed this way. She should still be here, for and with her friends and family.

It reminds me that life is crazy, that it only takes one second; one moment; one .... anything. It reminds me that the human body is crazypants amazing but also just plain crazy. It can turn on you in an instant, and there's such a bigger force at play. We're helpless in the grand scheme of things. It's a discomfiting feeling to realize that the human body is so fickle, so temporary.

I want to pray. I honestly do. But I'm not exactly sure if my prayers would be heard - not because they are any less important than the next person, but because I don't know who to pray to. I believe in the power of prayer - but I also believe it's important to ask the right person. And I'm not sure who that is for me right now. I'll certainly send up a wish tonight and ask Choo & Granny to help me out.I'll even ask them to keep an eye out for her.

I wish I knew what to say. I don't. So tonight is about silence.

Rest in peace, Skye. You're missed by so many.

No News is Good News.

Hey there! It's been a week, I can't believe it.

All's been pretty much quiet here. Few random musings:

• L from a few posts ago I think is out of the picture. He pretty much confirmed he was bats**t crazy one night and honestly, I'd been waiting on it. Something was never quite right and I'm glad I can finally say it out loud. Ahh well. As Jay-Z says, "on to the next one." (riiiight)
• I think I'm gonna have 2 dates this week. Awesome. Not particularly excited about either but it will be nice to get out of the house with someone of the opposite sex. I'll address them here when we're done.
• A couple of my favorite bloggers are pregnant! Yay for them! I definitely think that there will be 2-3 more by the end of 2012. Babies abound!

Yep, there's really nothing. I can't think of a single 'nother thing to write. Funny part is, I always swear I'm going to muse about things on here and then usually forget. That's okay...I'm sure another funny story is around the corner!

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun.

My heart is so heavy. It feels like I can't tell anyone anything.

My friends are mean about my relationship with my mom, so I definitely won't be telling them about the latest row.

My mom knows it all and of course, I'm wrong about the things I'm wrong about, which coincide with the things she's right about come hell-or-high-water, so I can't tell her the things I want - less I want to feel  badly for the rest of the night.

It's the night like these - the silence, the ear-deafening quiet - where my heart is so. heavy. It almost feels like I can't do anything but focus on how heavy it is.

I attempt to make changes, and someone inevitably doesn't accept them.

I made a goal to sit still & listen, and I'm planning on doing exactly that. I let people talk me out of happiness last year, and I won't let them do it again this year. Even if it means backing into a plan...I'd rather do that then not do it at all.

And by rather, I mean have to. I can't not do this.

I know, sometimes a lot of the times I make the choices that get me in these positions. And I'm working on it. Change does not come overnight. I'm trying to navigate happiness just like everyone else.

I just tend to do a bit of a worse job on it than everyone else.

Bottom line? My heart is very, very sad.

And there's no one to talk to about it.

Looking Up!

So, I managed to survive getting to and from downtown last night for class! YAY! Only 15 more times to do it...lol.

Anyhoo, class was really good. I like both classes - they are both engaging and interesting, and I feel like a new world was opened up to me last night. I'm so used to seeing the same people off-campus, that going downtown was like "oh, hey, I really do go to a decent sized school." It reinforced that I really like my school and it was the best choice for me. :)

That's all I really want to say right now...I want to go into some other things about travelling but don't actually feel like writing right now, so maybe I'll come back later since this week is a chill week (ya'll know what that means).

Toodles!

Simple science, my ass.

So, this morning was fun. And by fun, I mean epic fail. LOL. I didn't workout this morning because I've worked out 6 days straight and I haven't let my body have a chance to rest. Not a huge deal, just wish I had made that decision yesterday & not this morning cuz I like routine for my weekdays. But whatever. I made it a point to be awake at the normal time and not go back to sleep because I'm still committed to establishing a 21-day morning routine and that involves making sure I'm up to make it to the gym in time. This morning, I got up around the time my workout would have been done and decided that first, I'll go ahead and make sure my hair is done. I braided it last night so that it'd be curly for a few days.

Epic. Fail.

I will never braid curly hair again. I was just trying to make it be more "manageable" because I didn't like the last curly look, but that probably was the dumbest thing I'd ever done. I looked like Medusa! & since there was no way to salvage it, I ended up taking an hour to straighten my hair. Needless to say, looking forward to the hair appointment I hopefully get in the next couple of days.

Anyhoo.

It's MONDAY! The day I weigh in and see if the previous seven days of torture motivation bore any fruit will make me find the nearest Zaxby's produced results. I jumped on the scale and the damn thing had the nerve to say that I gained 1.6 pounds. ONE. POINT. SIX.

:: where's the ledge? ::

First, let me say that my scale is notoriously unreliable and I'm a bit skeptical about it. I think one of the readings was off - either the one last week or the one this week. So first order of business is to replace the damn thing, pronto. But here's where the outrage is. I KNOW that every single day last week, I burned more calories than I consumed. AT LEAST by 500 calories. Multiply that by 7 and BOOM! Automatic 1 lb loss, right? There were even days that I burned more than I consumed by about 700-800 calories.

SO WHY THE HELL IS THE SCALE MOVING UP?

Professionals are always so quick to say that losing weight is a simple science. I want them to explain this. Because seriously, I don't know and I've had it. Sometimes it feels like the only way I'm ever going to lose weight again is by being depressed. And I won't let that happen.

So. Plan B is to keep it up - I'm eating a 80% vegetarian (i.e., no meat) diet, which is great for keeping the calories at bay. I'm exercising 6 days a week. But I'm also going to try to add a fat burner in the mix. I was looking in the mirror this morning and ::sigh::. Let's just say I've got a lot to do before E's wedding and my birthday.

I'm going to try to keep focused as long as I can and take it one meal and one day at a time. Hopefully the new scale and next week will show encouragement.

Finally, today's the first day I venture downtown for school. Please pray for me because this whole thing has "BAD IDEA" stamped right across from it. I'm praying the late class lets us out a bit early.

Okay off to slack off since the boss is gone work until I fearfully head downtown to battle one way streets & street parking. *shudders*

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

No preface needed...just read.

Background: this isn't the first exchange like this. This happened earlier this evening. My commentary is in parenthesis and italics.

L: "Hope your day is blessed. L" (Normal. And nice. Thus I decide to respond)

Me: "Thanks! I've been running all day - just now settling into my couch for a little down time. So much for a relaxing Sunday right? LOL. Anyhoo I was in [location we met] earlier and thought of you. How are you?"

L: "Trying some "inception" on me at the meeting point. LOL I bet you took the same route through the store and was like he shows up right about now. (he *obviously* doesn't know me. a) i don't watch movies and 2) that's the stuff I write about on my blog lol). I wanted to get you some flowers but you were in that area of the store after we met. My day has consisted of football and football. LOL. Both of my teams losing of course. On a bright note, I had a vision of us." (Oh boy)


Me: [editors note to include humdrum responses to first comments] "...Anyhoo, does this vision include a first date by chance? LOL" (ya'll, seriously, he talks once. a. day. about visions & future & all kinds of eyebrow raising stuff but NEVER about an actual first date)


L: "It was the first date but we were at a [Well Known] garden." (.................... why is this a hypothetical date again?)


Me: "Ahh" (because I obviously didn't know what to say)


L: "You looked fantastic, I couldn't imagine a better scene." (Seriously, we've met ONCE for all of 5 minutes when I was in sweats and NO makeup. I'm sure I could imagine tons of better scenes if that's his only image of me, but okay. I'm slightly amused now)

Me: "How about one rooted in reality? LOL"

L: "Im rushing too much mentally, foreshadowing, but you're special and I'm treating it as such. The perfect moonlight has to be in order when we meet again." (insert blank face & hysterical laughter here)

Me: Uhhh...sure. (in my head, laughing hysterically)


[End convo.]

Maybe people don't see this as funny as I do, but seriously? Seriously? I'm cracking up right now, because I started this very blog because I. Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up.

If I ever by chance make it to a date with this guy (outside of the obvious mental disparity, we really do have quite a few things in common), I'll be sure to let the FBI know so that I don't end up in a river missing for days before anyone notices.

Back to my real Sunday evening, watching good shows like Pretty Little Liars & Revenge. :)

PS: tomorrow on deck: the beginning of school again (ugh) & the fact that I'm fat and not happy about it. Nite all!

Which one's lost - dating today, or my perception of what it should be?

I'm so confused about dating. Can someone tell me what morning I woke up and the rules changed?

When did it become okay to only text message, then go to wanting to hook up with nothing in between? No dates, no talking, no nothing. Is that what I'm supposed to be okay with? Guys who talk about how physically attracted they are to me, knowing full and damn well 3 sentences later they will be talking about what a mistake it was or how inappropriate this is? No thanks.

How am I supposed to govern myself in the moment? I want so badly to do the right thing, the thing that will allow me to go to sleep at night without issues and still feel like myself, but it's so hard to do that *in the moment*. So then I'm left wondering what decision was the right one - the one I made or the other option.

Let's rewind a second. Maybe it'll make more sense from the beginning.

I was relatively good today, until hanging out with Trainer and I read an email from a coworker blasting me on something my boss asked me to do. It was a venting email, a bit more harsh than it should have been, had my old boss copied on it (awesome) and generally hurt my feelings. That took me down. I know coworker was frustrated, but seriously? We all have a job to do and I was just doing mine. I feel like my boss puts me out there sometimes in ways I I feel a bit unequipped to handle, especially b/c I'm relatively sure that in her whole quest to start-acting-like-the-promotion-she's-about-to-get, she doesn't really have my back anymore.

So anyways.

I'm feeling like a wounded puppy and Trainer is getting ready to leave. Except the only thing on his mind is kissing me which isn't the worst problem to have in the world, let me assure you. But I've heard him say more times than I'm willing to admit that he "only wants to be friends," "doesn't think kissing (or anything else) is appropriate," la de dah de dah. So I'm left with this split second decision, and I decide no, you can't kiss me only to text me 5 minutes from now to apologize and tell me you dont see me like that.

I sent him a text afterwards to explain, and he seemed to be okay. It's just me having the mental crisis, as usual. But now that I've written it out, I feel better. I'm okay with my decision because we've been down this road waaaay too many times. But my original questions still stand. Is the art of dating - meeting someone, getting to know them, then becoming "adults" in your relationship (in whatever way you see fit) really that much of a lost art? Am I that old fashioned?

Because I don't know anymore. I really don't.

Soap operas today should totally take a note from circa 10 years ago.

Totally not what this post is about...at least in its entirety. I just couldn't think of a better title.

So. Not much today to tell...just a couple of random thoughts:

1. I'm hungry. Like can't-stop-thinking-about-food-and-the-next-time-I-eat-EVEN-when-I'm-eating hungry. That's always the worst part of dieting - the transition from eating what you want, when you want to eating smaller, smaller-calorie meals only a few times a day. I'm hoping it will pass in a few days because *whew*. I had a few almost break moments today.

2. My soap operas have gotten so dumb recently. :( I know, I know, who still watches soap operas? Me! It's such a hard habit to break. You do/watch something for 12 years then try to cut it out like that. Anyhoo, I miss it when the writing was, you know, soap opera-y. Now it's just the same things over and over. Meh.

3. Power of positive thinking! The guy I met on New Year's, L, is a really nice guy...I almost can't believe it! He's a little older than I would have hoped for, but not as old as the normal guys who it on me.If he isn't trying to settle down tomorrow (questionable at this point), I don't think the age is too big of a difference. I'm just trying to keep an open mind. He seems to be really taken with me already so hopefully after some time, I'll feel the same. But for now, it's nice to be the apple of someone's eye.

There's really nothing else. Work's about to get busy which is just what I need to actually work. There are some other things happening now that I think of it, but nothing I feel like getting into right now. I'm in a good mood and I don't really have any feelings on it. I KNOW that will change in time, so I'll worry about it then.

Oh, sabbatical booking will happen this month. Then the countdown & freakout will begin because HOLY COW I'll be going to Europe for 2 weeks!!

Okay, so I did have a few things but I'm done now. Back to watching bad soaps until I fall asleep. Then up for the much dreaded needed workout in the am.

Nite!

A follow up to the post I don't even remember writing.

So, I just read the post from last night that I don't even remember writing and thought "perfect! I'll just pick up from there."

Last night, I had two of my friends over. As I look back on it, the night pretty much sucked overall. :-/ I love my friends but the conversations last night got a little bit mean, a little bit exclusive & just blah.

There were three conversations threads of the night: the ones about marriage, the ones about parent relationships & the ones about everything else.

Thread One: I'm not married or remotely close to it (honestly, I'm sick of the words married, marriage, husband, wife & wedding right now) so that's that one. Lots of time spent talking about it with nothing contributed from my end. I'm a little (lot) bitter but I also understand that these are big things in my friends lives, so I try really, really hard to be understanding. Then bitch about it on here.

Thread Two: The conversations about parent relationships is the one I'm left pondering this morning. One of my friends in particular said some really mean things about my relationship with my mom and I'm trying to process how I feel about it. It's not the typical hurt feelings or anxiety feeling...I'm honestly not sure what I feel. Insulted? A bit embarrassed? I don't know. What I do know is that I only have one mom and no, our relationship is not perfect, but it's also not open for criticisms for others. It's that whole "I can talk about my family but the second you do all bets are off" theory. Mom's overbearing and overprotective. I KNOW THIS. I LIVE THIS. But she and I are very close, we do talk all the time and I think it's rude that for people to feel like they can have say so into whether or relationship is "normal".

I've been struggling all morning with what to do. I think I want to tell her (my friend) - not because I want an apology or anything, but because I simply want her to know that it's not okay. And I think I will because a conversation we just had about how people think things roll off me suddenly popped into my head.

The third conversation thread was just random but one topic is how I'm sooooo destined to be successful in Corporate America. Will people stop saying that? I mean, it's nice. The opposite could be worse, I could be a failure. But I don't want to be known as just a career woman. It's something that personally bothers me, like it insinuates that I should take solace in that because actually doing graphic design & being a wife/mother aren't in my cards. I don't like being pigeon holed, especially about something I could basically care less about.

Like I said, the night just sucked overall. Happens sometimes. :-/

Anyhoo, I'm a little bit still buzzed, not sure I'm making much sense, and definitely not happy to be at work. Hoping the day passes quickly even though my computer took 25 minutes to boot up and that's not a sign of good things to come.

I'm ending this long, rambly post now to go do some work related things. As soon as I finish blog scouring & pay my rent. Oh, and read the news. :)

You knew what you were getting into.

There's a lot, a whole lot.

What I will say is that I'm so thankful to have good friends, even if they get on my nerves by saying mean things sometimes.

I think I had more to say but I'm drunk & sleepy soooo....

Hopefully more tomorrow. If not, you knew what you were signed up for when you started reading this blog.

Nite!

A Confession.

This isn't pretty, but it's real, and I hope that after I write it here, I'll be able to say it once and for all and be done with it.

My boos like one of my friends who I'm not sure even likes me anymore.

I don't like it. I don't want them to like her, I want them to be fully ensconced on my side.How can they like someone who has hung our friendship out to dry?

How *did* our friendship get hung out to dry?

7 minutes of video, some notecards & a sweet smile.

I just watched Ben Breedlove's videos. And I cried.

I'm still processing why. Is it because he seems like such a sweet & mature kid for his age, taken from us too soon? Or because he knew waaaay more than most people and at least he's at peace now?

I don't know.

Let me be clear. Death is painful. No matter how prepared WE are as survivors, it's still hard. I'm not saying I'm happy he's gone...I'm simply saying that the tears I spill could be because he knows he's in a better place now, and that was so evident in his last video, how could I be sad when he's not?

This baby was 18 years old. Whenever you say something as profound as "I wish I NEVER woke up," and you're not talking about a suicide attempt..........

He was ready.

Wow.

So profound, so wise, so...beautiful.

Ben, there are a lot of people struggling to make sense of your death. People who miss you & love you & will struggle every day for who knows how long.

I'm a stranger and I'm so glad that you touched me in a little over 7 minutes of video, some notecards & a sweet smile.

You will be missed.

Rest in peace.

Random Musings + Random Blessings.

Happy 2012 folks! I can't believe we're in a new year already.

Random musings on the first day of this year...

- Soooooo glad I made the choice to go out last night instead of sitting in and sulking. I ended up out with one of my BFFs and we had fun! The party was kinda wack, but we got to get all dolled up, dance, drink, toast the new year, eat greasy food in the middle of the night & generally have a good time. I'm still a little shocked that she spent NYE with me (as opposed to her new hubby), but it was so sweet and how I love her so for it. She's seriously one of my all time favorite people on the planet and I'm so lucky to be as close to her as I am.

- I told myself that I'd start my new lifestyle today, but I'm not exactly sure who I was kidding. LOL. Ideally, I'd have started today but I do better when I'm on a schedule. So if I don't start tomorrow, I'm definitely going to start on Tuesday when I go back to work ( :: insert deep sigh and trembling lower lip here, about going back to work that is :: )

- The new Dance Mom's season 2 snippet? Makes we want to slap Mia's mom every time. She completely got punked and I feel some kind of way about it. This has no real basis to my day, but I thought I'd share nonetheless. (It just showed up on my TV as we speak. ACK.)

- Whole Foods intimidates me. I was there earlier, and lasted all of 2 minutes. First, there's so much that I almost don't know where to look which makes me think of Ikea and ZOMG Ikea makes my head explode. Secondly everything screams "ORGANIC WHICH MEANS GET OUT BECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW FANCY THIS IS", noted especially when organic garlic sells for $7.99/lb. When I saw that, I promptly grabbed my purse out of the basket and left because seriously, aspiring foodie or not, I don't taste any difference in garlic that's $3.29/lb and $7.99/lb so I'm certainly not paying for it.

- I met a guy in the grocery store today and I was nice. I know. I'm really trying very hard to be open and listen and so far, so good. We won't talk about his outfit and general corniness, but I gave him my number and he text me later and said "You are a blessing for sure. I felt it." <-- how awesome was that?? When I saw that, it brought a smile to my face. Especially since when we met, I was wearing sweats, a wrinkled Carolina t-shirt, glasses & not a stitch of makeup. Any man who can call me a blessing looking like that sees something special for sure, LOL.Plus he mentioned that he wanted to actually call me for a date. *whew* We'll see. Certainly inspiring for my new resolutions.

To conclude the first night of 2012, I will be eating shrimp scampi that should be here any second, finish the bottle of wine so it's out of the house for sure, & curl up with a new Lifetime movie. Tomorrow will be about getting myself mentally ready for the back-to-the-grind routine of work, school & life!

Happy New Year!