- I'm relationship nervous. It's been a while since I've done this. I'm especially nervous about the next step but I know that once we do it once, it'll be fine. I hope so, anyways.
- I wish my friends were more excited for me. Maybe they are excited, but it doesn't feel like it and that makes me feel like I'll always be behind the proverbial eight ball. [headed back to read this post after I'm done writing this current one.]
- I'm feeling a bit unsure about all the travel I want to do soon. Feels like the reason that I chose to do the travel isn't really the reason anymore; now I need to figure out how to make changes accordingly.
- I think I'm really just the most nervous about J. I'm so scared that he'll like me more than I'll like him...don't get me wrong, I do like him, I just like to settle faster than most so the giddy girly feeling only lasts a while before I'm trying to figure out how to get back to "normal." That's something I really need to pray about and ask for help with. I need real help with this and I get that I do.
I just need to pray. Honestly. And writing that down has taken away the butterflies.
This whole spirituality thing? Is awesome. I'm really feeling like I can be the best version of myself with a little additional thought,and the concept of this is so overwhelming that I could cry right now. From happiness and relief and gratitude and the knowledge that I don't have to do everything all by myself.
So! Onto the weekend update.
Friday night it was nice to chill and not do a single thing. I feel like I go so hard during the week - meeting with friends, dates, school, etc., that I'm usually ready to chill on the weekends. The thing is, though, now the weekends are getting to be the same way, so it's nice to be able to spend one day on my couch, catching up on TV and chilling out. I really relish my autonomy so much.
Saturday was a flurry of getting ready to go out with J later that night. I had a hunch that would be the first kiss (I was right!) so I just wanted to look really pretty. The errand running took WAY longer than I wanted it to, but everything worked out in retrospect. The date was fun and that boy is a really good kisser! :)
Oh, Sunday. Started innocently enough. Meeting the girls at one of our favorite bars. First time I've seen M since I told her to back off. Seemed good at first, but she hasn't changed a single bit and that's so frustrating. Bullied her way into talking about why we've all but stopped talking to her. Cried. Drank too much and had to leave her car there. Got obnoxious at my house. Same story, different day. I was fuming by the time I took her to get her car. I actually rode up the highway for a little while because I was so mad and didn't know what else to do. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but damn. How much are we expected to take? Get some help! It sounds mean, but we've been dealing with this for a year and a half and it's old. When I was crazy, I was hard to be around, but I got help. This is too much. It makes me sad for her. And, I could have gone to hang out with my other friend and I didn't, and I should have. Ugh.
Anyhoo, that's the weekend in a nutshell. This week brings another class, the Dook game & a whirlwind of stuff to do for work. I'm vowing to actually do work this week and not slack off so much. LOL. I'll start at 12, though.
Anyhoo, time to blog hop & catch up on the news...then work. I haven't forgotten already! :)
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